Wiped Out

Last night was brutal. That's the only adjective that keeps coming to mind. I spoke at the P.67/Revolution gathering; not as big a crowd because of spring break, but still a good group (and "brutal" refers entirely to what was going on inside me, not to the gathering - they were AWESOME, even giving me their "canned laughter" so I didn't feel bad when my jokes bombed!). I was going to share, for the first time really in a large group setting, the path or journey or thought process or whatever I'd gone through to get to where I'm much more comfortable talking about the relational aspects of truth rather than the redundancy of "absolute" truth. Basically, some of the things I was going to share are why I've parted ways with people I've loved and grown up with. I think the contradiction got to me: take up your bibles, and let's talk about "relational truth", something that's blown up too many relationships already.

Anyway, I don't usually get as nervous or as fidgety as I got last night. And then, about five minutes before I'm supposed to start - wham, John 9. If it worked, it's all Him; if it didn't, it was me screwing up. But I took the bulk of my notes and tossed 'em. We started in Nehemiah 8 according to "plan" (in the context of Israel's return from exile, God's Word was bringing an excitement and emotion that is missing way too much of the time in our own lives and stories). But instead of prooftexting around the place as I'd written down, we went to John 9, the story of a man who was blind from birth until the Messiah spit on the ground and made mud to rub in his eyes, healing him and giving him sight. I think I hit the same points, only I used this story instead of jumping around and proving logically and illogically why I was right and so many others are misguided - which is where I would've gone, and where I would've shoved my foot in there somewhere and been wrong. I've done that before, and I'm sure it would've gone there again if we hadn't changed up. Might've still gone there, but I think the story has an impact that makes it more meaningful than just "my interpretation".

The whole "relational" aspect of truth is still very new and meaningful to me, and I think "it preached" okay last night. But wow, I was floored and flumoxed, changing it all up like that and going with the flow of the moment. I finished and had to leave before worship/benediction time was over (school night, picking up kids from Grandma's), but I hope someone listened and that it made sense on some level. And if truth is all about "being relational", I hope my relationships follow suit and find some real healing soon.