Visual Soundbites

Got these from a friend's email. Supposedly, they are from a Washington Post columnist who prints a column each summer, listing interesting T-shirts observed at Maryland beaches:

• I'M NOT 50! I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX.
  
• PHYSICALLY PFFFFFFFFFFFFFTT!
  
• BUCKLE UP! (IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR.)
  
• I AM NOT A SNOB! (I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE.)
  
• IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.
  
• EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE!
  
• DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED!
  
• MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING! ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE.
  
• EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE" I WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE.
  
• CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.
  
• LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER WON'T HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL.
  
• IN GOD WE TRUST! ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH.

That's me... physically "pffffffffffftt".