Uncertain Faith

"But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified." - Paul, 1Corinthians 9:27

This morning, I'm struck by the thought that we are all mostly doing the best we can - and that in spite of that, we might still find a way to get ourselves "disqualified" in the end. There's such an emphasis on "getting saved", and a much lesser emphasis on "discipleship", that we might all be heading the wrong direction away from the judgment seat when it's all said and done. And before anyone says, oh, Rick, don't be so hard on yourself, don't lose the assurance of your salvation - take a look again at who wrote the verse quoted above. Most people would agree that Paul was the man among the leaders of the early church, and yet here he is talking about how hard it still is to live a life worthy of the calling placed upon him.

Could it be that Paul lived with a certain level of uncertainty in these matters? I don't think that would be a bad thing. On the contrary, we make it too easy to say "I'm saved", and we might be missing the point entirely. Where there's uncertainty, faith and hope have room to take root. If I can't rely on myself or my own understanding or my own learning of what Christ did for me and of what He "owes" me because "I'm saved" - if I can't rely on any of that, I've got to rely on Christ alone and Him crucified. There can be nothing else giving hope like that. Who cares if you're "once saved, always saved" if there's no real faith and no real hope to hold onto Christ with all we're worth? Who cares about a "doctrine of salvation" if I've got more faith in the doctrine than in the One who brings salvation freely to those who join in fellowship with Him?

Just thinking out loud, wondering if I could live with Paul's "uncertain" faith? If there's anything else giving me "assurance of things hoped for and evidence of things unseen" - if there's doctrinal proofs or theological reasoning that's propping up my thoughts on salvation - then is that real "faith"? real "saving faith"?