Everything Changes

Usually, where there's no change, there's no growth. That might be why I feel like the next steps into the future will be positive ones, because there's going to be plenty of room for changes and for growth. I'd been stagnated, over this/that/the-other-thing, and it's time to move on.

I had an issue yesterday morning - venting to a friend over email, and accidently sending it to the whole email list. It was hurtful outside of the "processing my thoughts & venting" mode, but it was out there for all to see. I don't believe in coincidences, though - it forced me to deal with the situation at hand. And the overriding view is that I was not on the same page with the rest of the staff at church. As we've preached and lived, there's no way you can have two visions of ministry and life - that's di-vision, having different viewpoints on things that matter. So we've parted ways with our church, family members who've been friends for a long time.

It's really deeply sad. I had a tough time last night, telling Cammi that we're going to be going to a new church. She cried - and cried and cried and cried. I don't handle female weeping as it is, but this was really rough. But I think she'll weather it well. We're not going to get out of the habit of going to church, even if I'm not looking to jump into membership or anything quite yet. Maybe we'll start a new thing, or be able to bring a new thing to an old thing. I don't know. As sad as it is to be leaving, there's a release and a relief that I'm not internalizing the whole deal anymore.

I'll miss the people, all of them, deeply. Especially Pastor and his family. We've grow up together - our kids will still get time to play together, and we'll need to make time to share coffee together. I hope the fellowship isn't harmed irrepairably. There are others, too - like I said, family members who've been a part of our lives for a long time. I knew the repercussions going into this transition, but that doesn't make it any easier.